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Asked my husband to use the whip on me when I was on my knees. He has terrible aim. He literally whipped my pussy on accident and it was unlike any kind of pain I’d ever felt- and I’ve given birth 3 times.Edit: I promise I’m not completely without manners. Thanks for all the generous votes and awards, people. My whipped pussy tips it’s hat to you.
was in China, rode a train for 2 hours to meet a girl, didn’t have sex, a terrible blowjob, she got tired after a minute then cried cus she missed her ex.
You know those silicon ass things they have in sex shops for like 300$? When I was in Montreal in my sophomore year of college, I tried to buy one. My debit card got declined, so I didn’t buy it. I got a call from my dad that evening saying someone in Montreal must have stole it from me, and I had to do the talk of shame explaining that I really did do that.
A stripper let me Jack off in front of her once. That and another time I flocked a hamburger.
Using the twin precussion handheld backmasager on my dick. Ngl it felt really flockin good. But it left a lingering tender feeling that had me walking funny for a bit.Happened when I was but a wee mid-teen
In my early teen years, I accidentally made my clit burn using Vicks Vaporub that was supposed to give it a tingling sensation (I watched way too much BDSM and got ideas). I was in immense pain and was lying spread out under cold water to try and make it stop, and I couldn’t tell my extremely religious parents or they would’ve freaked out.
When I was about 12-13, I had just learned about sex. One day I was super horny and was playing with my dads back massager. I quickly realized that it felt REALLY good to press it on my dick. I took it into my bedroom and went to town. My mom was walking by and heard the noise so she just let herself in. Needless to say things were weird after that for a bit, and she hid the massager.
Ruined a jar of peanut butter.
Not sure if this counts but. Was about to do it with a guy and discovered we had no condoms. Decided to drive across town to his place, since he had some. Got in a (minor, not our fault) car accident on the way there. Ended up at the cop station to report it instead of banging.
Her name was Annie, and she stalked me for 2 years after that.
Using Shampoo to jerk off. Worst piss pain ever.
Fucked my landlord. He lived in the same building on the floor below me with his ex-fiancé. It was actually pretty fun until he started monitoring when I was home and knocking on my door when he knew I was home alone. Had to put an end to that reaaaal quick. My only regret is not getting a discount on rent :(
When I was a stupid teen, I put an ice cube in my vagina. My reasoning was that if hot water felt nice, maybe something extremely cold would. It did not feel nice, it was horrible, and I couldn’t remove it. 3 minutes of agony.
Late to the game, and this will get buried but…I knocked up my ex wife one month after our divorce was final.
Drove 1200 miles
Friend passed away due to a trucking accident, went on tinder due to desired needs after a divorce… took a chicks virginity and later found out she was the friends sister visiting for the few weeks till they figured out the funeral…Never told anyone about this…
Asked a escort to come over to my house at 2 am instead of jerking off like ya know for free… Well she and 3 other guys ended up kicking in my door and robbing me and my house. 0/10 never againEdit: holy shit thank you for the awards! This is my most popular comment by far, I appreciate you all!
flocked a couch when I was like 13. I was at a sleepover at my moms bosses house (I was friends with her kids) and it was like 2 am and my dick was saying it’s go time. I heard Shane Dawson or some other Youtuber at the time say they flocked a couch so I thought I’d give it a go. I cut my dick on the cushion zipper and I think my couch flocking days are over. Edit: Thanks for my first award!
Ah yes….her name was Autumn. One faked pregnancy later and I still don’t date girls named after seasonsEdit:Can’t believe THIS is the comment to blow up.Advice…don’t stick your dick in crazy, boysEdit 2: added the comma….but it’s funnier without it
Hooked up with a co-worker who looked like Mr Bean (she was a girl).
Broke my frenulum.
Got jizz in my ear ,ended up with an ear infection..try explaining to a doctor what the foreign liquid is in your ear when your 15, hey guys thankyou for the awards and upvotes , for clarification this happened in 1987 and was purely accidental
Almost got a bar of soap stuck in my booty holeEdit: Wow thanks for the awards guys. I can’t believe my first comment to blow up is about the time I became a human soap dispenser.
*Pulls out the little black book*Are we doing this chronologically or alphabetically?

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